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Tuesday, January 23, 2007 |
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now playing| taste of tears
artist| cauterize
mood| sick
"i need you; i bleed you - i would give up breathing for you"
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if you could take my breath
and hold it in
i need to be inside of you
untimely (un-time-lee)
adj. untimelier, untimeliest
-Occurring or done at an inappropriate time; inopportune.
-Occurring too soon; premature: an untimely death.
...
untimely. that's what it is, the sore throat, the raging phlegm (kaa-pui), the headaches and feverish light-headedness, untimely. with only a handful of days left til the race, & i just have to fall sick now. i swear, if this doesn't pull over soon i'll drive straight off the edge - straight off.
well at least i won't be having school on thursday and friday, i'd have ample rest time. but shouldn't i be training hard for the last bit just before the marathon? if i do, what if i don't get well before the race - i hate this. i am FUH-REEK-ING out, fuck, i'll be tweek - and pull my hair out. arghh!
if you don't watch southpark, you're a loser.
i've been through/in a few non-functional and almost-shortlived relationships, & i'm pretty tired of it. it's funny how at one moment you feel closer to a person more than anyone else in the world (yes even your own mother), and the next moment you're never talking to them again - and it's ironic because when you're in it you actually do feel like you know, even for a second, that it's gonna last forever - even though you know you're just "saying it". but how many fairytales really do go on without an end? we can only cross our fingers and hope we'd end up like most fairytales, happily ever after - not the other way around.
i can't remember why, but i know i made myself promise never to fall hard and fast again - because:
1) you fall, you hurt
2) you can't be certain he/she would catch your fall
3) haste only makes things worse
4) self-preservation, like a - defence mechanism
but no, nothing is ever that simple. it's like, being on a diet - you struggle, and you force - with every fibre of your being - yourself not to go for the last fries, or the last wing, you'd fail inevitably in the end, well most of the time anyway.
sad to say, i've got little determination, and perhaps, i just want to know there'll be someone i can run to at the end of the day, someone i can call my own, someone who tells me everything'll be okay, who stands up for me - and someone who i can do all these back to.
so how would you know if you've found your supernova? we can never be a 100% sure, but i'd take my chances. afterall, it's all in the moment, and if it doesn't work out - i'll take what i need and be a man, and move on.
but for now, thing's just won't do........ won't do without you - matter of fact. if you walk out on me, i'm walking after you.
8:35 PM
