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Saturday, February 17, 2007 |
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now playing| christmas lights
artist| daphne loves derby
mood| -
"just tell me that, you need me too; you're gone for too long"
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& i need to you to be back home with me now
this snow outside;
means nothing when you're gone
everything comes into place when you're around,
at least for me it does -
maybe it's because you don't need me like i need you
& JUST ONCE I WOULD LIKE TO BE SOMETHING;
& I WOULDN'T MIND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE WITH ME
.....
maybe for once i should try to listen to myself more. & not trust what's happening around so much, because people lie. matter of fact. and situations don't always seem the way they are, the way you want to see them, or the way it looks.
& the way you decide to deal with what you see, counts a lot.
i used to run away when i'm scared, & i dealt with suspicions and insufficient affirmation with haste - which usually backfires.
don't you?
i know we all do, well at least i know i used to. now picture this, picture something you really want. a bike? cellphone? something you'd kill to have. you pray for it, for like forever - and in the end you think to yourself, wouldn't it be easier to just steal it, and then pray for forgiveness later on?
that's how we work. we always find the easy way out.
i grew up, and i don't think i'd ever think the same way as i do before. & i know i'm not making any sense, but i feel better just writing it all down. it's the only way i can come to terms with what i feel, when i write, i think and i reason with the only thing sane in my mind. although most of the time things don't just solve itself like that, but it makes me a lot happier knowing that i'm dealing with it rationally. like how it's supposed to be dealt with.
who needs screaming arguments and flying forks? -pfft-
i don't need to think so much, i don't have to think so much, but why do i still do? i doubt it's because i've a bigger brain because that'd be pretty obvious considering i've a small head and my brain'd be spilling out. it's probably due to my family, i love them, but - yeah. [insert story]
i don't know when to hold my tongue, or when not to. so i can only drown all my fears here, and still hope that i'd be able to end my day/days with someone i care about, while waiting through all these alone, but it's not like i'm not used to it already.
do i sound emo? because i'm not. i'm actually pretty happy FUCKING happy with what i have, and who i have now. but we cannot rule out days when we'd be afraid of the dark, and what's to come. so come those days, i'll come to this coast - because i know whatever i say would eventually get lost in a this sea of entries. it'd be forgotten like a bad dream. but even so, i still feel better typing it down.
it's the only time i'd feel alive when it's so dark. i don't need to bleed like goths, or cry about the darkness - i know i can take care of myself. i'm not a kid anymore. knowing very well the night could freeze before we set fire, i'd be prepared. armed. even though my fears would fall on deaf ears, somehow, i know you'll be there.
whether you speak or not (you usually don't), i still feel better when i'm around you & when you're around.
because things don't get all spinny anymore.
1:10 AM
